Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
