so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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