Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
