is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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