so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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