All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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