hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
