I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
