AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize