tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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