I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
