we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
