It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
