I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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