Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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