Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
