Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize