Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
