I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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