Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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