I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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