I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
