she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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