R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
