GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
