from now on my penis is your penis
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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