Jerry, you need to find god
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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