My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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