My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
