Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
