living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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