I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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