You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize