20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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