last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
