I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
