There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
