hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
