Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
