I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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