And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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