I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
