I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
