do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
