my phone needs a breathalizer
I looked at my own cervix.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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