Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
