I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
