I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
