All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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