I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
