The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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