This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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