Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
