wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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