I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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