Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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