someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
