I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
