Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
