Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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