You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
